Thursday, February 24, 2011

TNA iMPACT! 2/24/11

TNA iMPACT! 2/24/11
February 24th, 2011
iMPACT Zone!, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: ???

Last week on iMPACT! we saw Jeff Hardy retain the TNA World title against Rob Van Dam in a match that Mr. Anderson refereed while earlier in the show Ric Flair betrayed his own protege in AJ Styles to turn his back on Fortune. Where will this lead us tonight? Will Flair and Styles really wrestle? Let's tune in and see!

Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz

We open the show with Mr. Anderson coming out to the ring with a steel chair, which he unfolds and sits down in with a microphone. He says that he doesn't care who's calling the shots backstage, he's going to sit there in the middle of the ring until he gets his rematch for the TNA World title. Before he can go any further though, RVD's music hits and Rob comes to the ring to confront Anderson about how he screwed Rob in the title match last week. Before you know it both men are trading shots, having to be pulled apart by TNA security. Eric Bischoff comes out and says that tonight instead of having Anderson get his title rematch, they're going to have a triple threat match with both RVD and Anderson facing off against Kurt Angle in our main event.

Backstage Scott Steiner is chugging a beer while Eric Young poses behind him, acting like the general waste of space goofball he is. This was an incredibly awkward segment.

When we return from the commercial break we get some video footage of Jeff and Karen Jarrett picking out her dress for the big vow renewal ceremony next week. We cut to Kurt Angle backstage telling both Anderson and RVD that his mind is elsewhere tonight.

Eric Young/Orlando Jordan vs. Gunner/Murphy

Gunner and Murphy are pretty much wastes of space, so of course they were signed to a long-term contract by TNA recently. Beer Money come out to join us on commentary, and it's absolutely pathetic that these two teams are apparently make up Beer Money's "competition" in the tag team division. Eric and Murphy start us off with a quick rollup, and then Gunner tags in and he and Young do the old convoluted criss-cross spot for what seems like an eternity. Oh god this awful. MORE criss-crossing until finally Gunner and Murphy start double-teaming Young behind the ref's back, trading quick tags. More homophobic hijinks are had between Jordan, Young and the team of Gunner and Murphy before they finish Young off with a backbreaker/legdrop combo at 2:25. This was absolute and utter crap, just as you'd expect. DUD

So that apparently somehow makes Gunner and Murphy the number one contender's to Beer Money's tag titles next week. Because, you know, Eric Young and Orlando Jordan clearly have been such an undefeatable tag team that they deserved that number one contenders match, clearly.

Backstage Angelina Love tries to convince Velvet Sky not to put her career on the line against Sarita tonight, but Velvet just wants to be alone and think by herself.

After a quick commercial break we return to see Brother Devon making his way out to the ring. Devon cries and bitches about how Bully Ray beat up his children and how they looked up to him like an uncle. Seriously, is putting his kids through a couple of tables really that big of a deal? Their entire career has revolved around putting people through tables, you'd think the kids would have taken a bump or two in their time. Before long Bully Ray comes out and does his 5th grade bully shtick for a bit. Ray has some random black guy who he calls Devon's "brother" and threatens to put him through a table as well, but Tommy Dreamer of all people comes up and makes the save. Awesome, more washed up has-beens getting TV time. I like Dreamer probably more than most do these days, but seriously, unless it's for the occasional hardcore match I don't want to see Dreamer on iMPACT! in the year 2011.

Backstage Madison Rayne vents to Tara about how she doesn't need her help tonight for her open challenge match.

When we return from the break AJ Styles is backstage telling us that he won't be standing in Ric Flair's shadow anymore, and that tonight he's going to be taking care of business.

Magnus vs. Crimson

Well here's Magnus now out of nowhere after wrestling on Xplosion for months. This has squash match written all over it as this is apparently Crimson's singles debut. Before the match starts Brutus grabs the mic and says they're both alike in alot of ways but Magnus isn't carrying Kurt Angle's bags around. This of course sets Crimson off and he starts laying in forearms on Magnus as the bell rings. He gives Magnus a big exploder suplex and then follows up with a twisting neckbreaker that sends Magnus to the ring apron. Stunner from Magnus over the ring rope and he follows it with a big boot back in the ring. Suddenly Crimson hits the "Red Alert" though (swinging side slam into a reverse STO) and pins Magnus clean at 1:12. Just a squash match to give Crimson his first singles victory, nothing to see here. ¼*

Backstage RVD talks about how he's ready for the main event tonight. Really just a dull promo here from RVD, he's not exactly getting me hyped up for the triple threat later tonight.

When we return Rob Terry comes out to the ring for his big "posedown" with Scott Steiner. Seriously, you brought Steiner back for this? This is the earth-shattering business Steiner had to come back to TNA to settle? Rob Terry says he's the REAL genetic freak of TNA. Well you're definitely a freak Rob, but something tells me genetics didn't have so much to do with your physique as anabolic steroids did. Scott Steiner hits the ring and says he was the Genetic Freak way back when Rob Terry was sucking his mother's cock. Well that's a bit rude Scotty. Before Scott can take his shirt off to take part in the posedown though Rob Terry attacks Steiner, of course. Has one of these posedowns ever actually gone through? Security comes out to break the two men up.

Backstage Velvet Sky and Winter share a few words about Velvet's match against Sarita next week. Winter says that people are doubting Velvet's abilities, but she doesn't doubt her. Velvet tells her though that when she's done with Sarita's ass, she's coming for Winter. Hmm, that could be intersting, maybe Winter could carry Velvet to a competent match.

When we return from the break we get more pre-recorded footage of Jeff and Karen Jarrett, now speaking with a minister about their upcoming ceremony. Christ we get it, they want to torture Kurt with the ceremony, do we really need all of these vignettes? The minister is surprisingly the voice of reason, saying what everyone is thinking that what they're doing is "blasphemy". Riveting stuff guys, truly.

Ric Flair comes out to the ring when we return and grabs a mic. He says it's hard to be humble when you're a wrestling God and tells AJ to come out and get on his knees (ooh kinky) and beg for forgiveness from Ric Flair. For...what? You betrayed HIM Ric, remember? AJ comes out and tells Ric that the only reason he was avoiding him was because of how badly he wanted to beat the hell out of Flair, but AJ doesn't want to play into Flair's game. Apparently Flair is angry that Fortune turned on Immortal without telling him. Flair says he's going to teach Style about respect and just slaps him right across the face! This causes AJ to attack Flair, but suddenly Hernandez comes out from the crowd and makes the save for Flair. AJ fights him off though and goes back to beating down Flair in the corner. Hernandez comes back but AJ keeps fighting him off and gives Flair the old low blow before taking Hernandez out with the pele kick. See, usually this is the point where the heels beat up the beloved babyface, to get us to want to see this match and angle concluded down the road. This is TNA though, so of course the babyface dominates here and beats the hell out of Flair and Hernandez, giving us absolutely zero reason to think AJ is in any danger and care at all about this program. Of course this wouldn't be Impact without Ric Flair bleeding like a stuck pig, so he blades of course and gets his clothes ripped off before Hernandez finally fights him off from giving Flair the Styles Clash.

After a quick commercial break we return to have the TNA Knockouts champion, Madison Rayne come out to the ring to see who will step up the plate to answer her open challenge from last week. Madison may be useless in the ring but she sure is hot and her theme music rocks. Who comes to answer her open challenge? Why, none other than former Knockouts champ ODB of course! She has dyed black hair now and according to Taz, an even bigger chest than before, leading us right into our next match...

Madison Rayne vs. ODB

ODB dominates to start with a Lou Thesz press and lots of forearms. She scoop slams Rayne and then starts laying stiff chops into Madison in the corner. Madison evades a clothesline though and starts pulling at ODB's hair. Big backstabber from Madison Rayne and she goes back to the hair-pulling, trying to wrap her legs around ODB's head in some bizarre headscissors submission attempt. ODB makes the comeback though, laying big forearms and shoulderblocks into Madison. Fallaway lam and ODB is getting pumped up as Taz rips off a Michael Cole line and calls this "vintage ODB". Bronco-buster from ODB and then she tries for a fireman's carry but Madison counters out and hits her weird Rayne Drop finisher (inverted overdrive neckbreaker) for the win at 3:41. Well ODB looked good, until she lost out of nowhere to Rayne's weak finisher. Not sure what the point of bringing ODB back just to job to Rayne in a few minutes was. They just keep building Rayne up and we still don't care I'm afraid. Just have her drop the title to Mickie already and end this. ½*

Backstage Velvet Sky confronts Sarita and accepts her challenge for a match next week with Velvet's career on the line.

After a quick commercial break we return to Matt Morgan sharing a few words backstage about Hernandez and the heat they have with eachother dating back to their tag team from last year. Which, if you remember correctly, was all about Morgan being the cowardly heel who broke Hernandez's neck and acted like an asshole for weeks. But somehow Hernandez is now the bad guy here. Right.

We get yet another Karen and Jeff Jarrett vignette, this time with Jeff being measured up for a tuxedo. Afterwards we get a recap of JWowww from the Jersey Shore reality show feuding with Cookie and Robbie E weeks back. What a colossal waste of time and money that was as people tuned out in massive numbers the minute JWowww came on screen. So, of course, TNA has Robbie E and Cookie bringing in another Jersey Shore character named Angelina to confront JWowww. I'm told by Jersey Shore fans that Angelina is actually the worst person on the entire show, so of course TNA got her. Ugh.

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

Hopefully this main event can save what has been an otherwise dreadful show to this point. All three men are cautious to start off, laying in careful shots to each other. Van Dam and Angle team up on Anderson to start, giving him a big back-drop slam. They give him a quick double suplex and then Van Dam starts driving big shoulder-blocks into Anderson in the corner. Angle tries for one but Anderson moves and Angle's shoulder slams into the steel post, sending him flying out to the floor. Van Dam rolls into Anderson in the corner and gives him the monkey flip out of the corner. Angle comes back into the ring but now RVD gives him a clothesline and the Rolling Thunder, ending their short-lived alliance. Anderson comes back inside and hits an awkward spinning neck breaker on RVD for a quick two count that Angle breaks up. Snap suplex from Angle to Anderson. Big lariat from Angle sends Anderson to the outside again and RVD and Angle square off. Anderson pulls the top rope down though and sends Angle flying to the floor. Back inside RVD hits a roundhouse kick for a quick two on Anderson. Angle drags him out to the floor again and they start brawling and then RVD takes both of them out with a somersault plancha over the top rope! After a quick commercial break we return to see Angle counter a monkey flip attempt from RVD only for Rob to avoid a near-botch and come off the top with a springboard thrust kick for a two count on Angle. Angle get's backdropped out the floor and Anderson slides right in to deliver a back suplex to RVD before he can take advantage. Springboard thrust kick from RVD takes Anderson down again. Angle hits the ring now and cleans house with a few lariats. Overhead release belly-to-belly suplex to RVD and then a big trio of German suplexes to Anderson! Release overhead German suplex to RVD! Angle is on fire now and hits Anderson with the Angle Slam! But before he can take advantage, RVD hits him with a superkick. RVD tries for the frog splash, but Angle throws him off the top with the overhead belly to belly. Anderson tries for the mic-check on Anderson but Angle counters with a T-Bone suplex! You don't see that from Kurt often. He goes to apply the ankle lock to Anderson when suddenly wedding music begins playing and Jeff and Karen Jarrett make their way down to ringside with a couple glasses of champagne. Yes, not enough to just have them wrestle a good main event, we have to get this bullshit involved. This distracts Angle long enough for Anderson to hit the Mic Check and get the pin on Angle at 9:20 (shown). This was a damn good main event up until the goofy finish, though it followed your basic "throw one man out and have the other two fight, switch, repeat" formula of a triple threat. Angle looked fired up out there though and aside from a bit of shakiness on RVD's part, this was one of the better iMPACT! main events in quite some time. ***

After the match Jeff and Karen walk out of the Impact Zone triumphantly as Kurt Angle lays in the ring, defeated. Taz and Mike Tenay put over next week's big episode of iMPACT! in North Carolina with special guests Angelina from MTV's Jersey Shore and Taz's "Special guest", New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott. We go off the air with the numbers "3-3-11" flashing across a dark screen...hmmm, now where have we seen that before? Oh, right, the WWE did the same thing hyping up the 2/21/11 episode of RAW for the last month. Ever the originators TNA.

Bottom Line: As usual we have a whole lot of utter crap followed by a couple of redeeming factors, mainly the fun main event triple threat match. The remaining runtime of the show though was yet another awful episode of Impact with more shitty short squash matches and ridiculous angle progression. I'd say seek out the main event for a watch, but skip everything else. We'll go thumbs in the middle, slightly leaning down for the 2/24/11 episode of TNA iMPACT!

Score: 5/10

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